Lots of changes going on.
I stopped studying… and decided to get an associate’s in web design.
I miss portuguese… and i’m still studying it by myself.
Now that i don’t have all that pressure I have been able to breathe a little.
I’ve read a couple of books that i wanted to read and had no time.
I still don’t know when i’ll have no job….
Well…. I my blog is dead and boring.
I have a short story I wrote… I just have to translate it.
I’ve been reading a lot… so i haven’t done much else.
I haven’t processed the changes coming, yet.
I hope i make it….
I write drunk
As raw as I can be.
I just puked all the whiskeyI had.
Still drunk, a lot of grammatical errors I bet.
So … i’m like the senior drunk there
I ask for coke and people are in shock…. i couldn’t get any.
So i’m really drunk.
There is just something different.
I left the hangout by myself…. i just wanted to fuck off.
People don’t get that i need to be under the influence… any fucking influence…. to actually stand up.
I used to be scared of the dark.
I’m not anymore…
Not because i’m older…
But because…. i don’t care what the fuck is in the dark.
I used to imagine all this horrible monsters in the dark
Now i just wish they existed.
Take me the fuck away, please.
Feeling is the worse punishment i could get.
I fucking hate it.
BUT….i fucking fail at killimg myself
I just sat there on the side of the street… and the darkness didn’t take me….
It did worse..
It just let me sit alone in the street… hoping for something… anything to take me.
It’s hard to explain that i prefer to be a corpse than alive.
My mind consumes m
I feel safeat night when I wear this mask. I just sit in the dark and cry… but no one will see.
I’m so sick of it all that I wish I could shut down my body. If I do, I’ll fall off the chair. It wouldn’t be the first time. Soon I’ll fall off and get to another reality, I hope. Maybe it will be better… maybe it will be worse. We could fly, or maybe jump withour heads as a travel method… Maybe we’ll say hi to each other by breaking a finger. Maybe people won’t cut their nails there, instead pull them out until it bleeds. There could be more colors, even more fragances, or even infinite textures. Maybe there will be even a reason to live.
- oongachaka (name change)