I’m 25 and my parents pay my shit.
Not because I’m rich… but because my conditions haven’t allowed me to get a job.
Social Anxiety and Major Depression disorders don’t mix well with jobs.
I’m fucking tired of it so I’m trying to ask for less and less.
I have no light in my room, just lamps.
There is no light on the bathroom…
We have to change the faucet on the kitchen.
But at the same time I’m so fucking irresponsible and have never cared much for my life… I’m the worse managing money.
At least I’m responsible with the timing… because of my anxiety.
The thing is… I haven’t payed this month’s rent.
I’ve started doing what I can (or think I can ?) to get the situation under control.
But at the same time I have to watch out because I’m so fucking depressed at the moment that I’m having suicidal thoughts again… serious ones.
And I feel that what I’m doing isn’t enough.
I have that list of things to fix and I don’t do anything (mainly because of the no money part, and my housemate does shit)
My mom talks to me as if I’m not doing anything, which am sure is how it looks like but she should know better because it’s me… I started studying again 2 months ago, still fucking adjusting… forever.
Oh, and fuck, the loan I have to pay after I finish studying. Fuck yeah.
If she only knew the fucking first thought in my mind everyday is “Why the fuck haven’t I jumped from a building yet ?” I’d think she’d back off a little, I think.
My housemate, which hasn’t payed either (but has the money), is going to a fucking sunflower field today.
Right now I feel like crying in fetal position while letting someone kick me…
I feel like puking… I need to edit my artwork on the computer then I need to get prints of it and see how cheap I can sell it… and see if anyone wants to actually by it.
Then… I have to get up of the bed for the rest of my life.
Problems with money will probably make me die someday soon…